Every Story is Part of His Plan: Interview with Adult TCK Liz Lovelace (part 4)

Breanne: Okay, next question. What biblical truths or wisdom were you able to cling to, which helped you make that transition – realizing you were different and that was okay?

Liz: Umm… I think I would have to say God’s sovereignty. I understood God’s sovereignty in my life and other’s lives. That helped me accept that God had this plan for me to grow up this way. Accepting that it was good for me. God’s plan for other people was to go to college with people who were born in Wisconsin, grew up in Wisconsin, and never left Wisconsin. You know? I’m sure you run into people like that who have always lived in the same place and have ever moved. Their view of the world is very different than your own. I think understanding that God has a plan for all of us and our formative years, whatever that may be, they shape you as a person, and that’s all part of God’s plan too. I think now, there are still things that I’m learning even now at 42.

Even now, sometimes I’m like, “Why do people think this way? Why are they being so narrow-minded.” But, I think it’s even just a daily thing of realizing, “Just because I think differently doesn’t mean it’s wrong.” Trying to be more open-minded. Especially in today’s climate with politics and the coronavirus, everyone is struggling to find their place in the world and figure things out. I’d say it’s a blessing that we were living in Mexico, and we could just up and move and come back to the USA. We had the freedom to do that. But it’s been interesting even now, having experienced the coronavirus in two different countries. That’s been interesting too. I can see the valid reactions all over the world. Some countries are shutting down, some aren’t. I don’t know if it’s the TCK experience, but I can look at all these different reactions and say, “You know, they’re doing the best they can.” That’s okay.

Breanne: Yeah.

Liz: To see other people’s reactions, here in the USA specifically, people are all up in arms, and so mad about their freedoms being trampled on and places closing, and they don’t like being told to wear a mask, and they don’t like being told they can’t go out to eat anymore. You know, while I understand that point of view, I get why they think that way, I can’t relate, and I don’t share that point of view.

Breanne: I think that’s kind of a common… I relate to that. Thinking about any situation, “I understand because I understand the clockwork of the culture, but I don’t think it’s the most reasonable reaction or the most beneficial… I can’t relate.” Something like that.

I just realized I have one last question. You are raising TCKs. How has being a TCK and an Adult TCK affected the way you parent TCKs? Approaching things differently than monocultural parents parenting TCKs?

Liz: Umm… Parenting is parenting. My husband wasn’t raised as a TCK, but he can relate very well to TCKs. I think we are more open to other parenting styles and different viewpoints because we’ve seen it, we’ve experienced it. It’s important to us for our kids to learn multiple languages. It’s honestly something we’ve struggled with, getting our kids to speak Spanish. It doesn’t help that we lived in Mexico for less than four years. Alex speaks Spanish, but she doesn’t want to speak Spanish with me. I get that it’s weird. It’s odd to this day when I speak Spanish with my mom. But they need to speak it, so I need to push myself.

Being a TCK myself, I try to be more sensitive to what my kids are going through. Especially Alex, she’s eleven. I don’t know that Ivan will remember his time in Mexico. If we move to a different country again in a few years, I think living in that country will be a massive part of Ivan’s formative years. We try to be more sensitive to their emotional needs. We frequently asked Alex, “How do you feel about living in Mexico? Do you like it here?” Because of my husband’s work, we have the option to live in another country or not. It’s not like when I grew up, we always lived in Argentina. For our family, we are moving around a lot.

Breanne: And I think that’s an ever-growing trend. Traveling a lot more. Not just being a TCK but being a Global Nomad – having to move around. I don’t know.

Liz: Yeah. I don’t know, just trying to be more aware of what they might be struggling with.

Breanne: And you’ve gone through it too.

Liz: I’ve gone through it too. In Mexico, we stuck out like a sore thumb because we definitely looked like foreigners. Haha – there was that. Being sensitive to the kids in that situation. They were always the foreigner. Thankfully we found a decent school option for them. I think that’s it. Being more aware of their emotional well-being in general.

Breanne: Thank you so much, Liz! This was so awesome. I think it’s so good for me to hear different stories. I try to find overall themes. Every TCK story is so different and unique, but there are those themes. I’m trying to grasp them, so to speak.

Liz: Not every TCK I’ve talked to has struggled a lot. Every person is so different. Everyone’s life story is so different. People could have a very similar life story and approach it differently. I’ve talked to TCKs who really struggled and struggle even as adults. Others didn’t struggle at all. I appreciate you getting different stories because everyone’s story is valid. Even if you talk to someone who didn’t struggle a lot, someone else who didn’t wrestle with those issues might better relate to that person. I remember in college where people would talk about how much they struggle with something. I’d be like, I don’t struggle, so does that mean there’s something wrong with me?

Breanne: Yeah.

Liz: I just want to put that out there for some TCKs who might say I don’t have this monumental struggle. Maybe the culture they are growing up in isn’t that different from their parents’ culture, so there isn’t this vast disconnect. Maybe. I don’t know. Different people will struggle in different ways. So various stories of diverse struggles are excellent too. There’ll be something there for everybody.

Breanne: Yes.


Wow. There’s so much to unpack! I especially appreciated how she talked about realizing that other people’s upbringing, which has molded their way of thinking, is actually God’s plan for them. Our ways are not God’s ways. We might find someone’s views narrow-minded, but God can use them in ways he couldn’t use us because of their background, and vice versa!

What stood out to you all the most from this interview? I will answer all your comments 🙂