These last days have been hard. Where I live quarantine is now over, but we can’t go outside without masks, and people are still uneasy. Not everyone wants to get together, and we still aren’t meeting as a church. This summer has been different as well because my brothers are learning a new language so they can enter a high school in the fall. I’ve been spending a lot of my spare time helping them with their homework.
I want to get together with people, and I thoroughly enjoy it when we can, but I’ve been enclosed into our home with my family for so long that for some reason the times we do get together with people don’t “fix” those weird feelings of seclusion.
I’m tired. I have lost most if not all of my motivation. I was so excited when I first started several projects this summer, but now it takes a lot of emotional and mental power to just keep on working on them. And it’s not that I’m getting little sleep. It’s not that I’m doing a boatload of activities. I’m just mentally worn-out.
It takes a lot of brain-power to stay hopeful and happy and content when you are stuck with your family and no one else for four months. You have to constantly choose to be patient, choose to smile, choose to keep going. It doesn’t come naturally. When you’ve been doing that non-stop for this long, you collapse.
Sometimes, I don’t even enjoy the things that normally are life-giving to me, like reading. Naps are quite comforting, but they can also be used as a form of escapism. I don’t want to shy away from my stewardship before God.
I’m just trying to do the next thing, like my post from last week said, but it’s so difficult. However, I choose. I choose to be thankful for my family and the extra-special time I’ve gotten to spend with them and I choose to be thankful for my puppy who makes me laugh. I choose to be thankful for music that makes me smile and hope. I choose to cling to the promises of God.
Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.